Sunday morning ;
awoke to the sound ruffling of papers bags , plastics and voices heard all
around me. in my room alone in the darkness , teased by the morning
breeze and dews dance about as i shutter my eyes between the window
and my space. it was 0630 am in the morning and I've never felt like
before.. i felt strangely good. Positive even. Or was it the hormones.
LOL.
sitting at the edge of my bed , head looking forward , towards even ,
to the window and taking in the cold and refreshing air felt different.
i was even contemplating by myself about how blessed i am today ,
to be alive , to have family and friends , to have people who loves
me so much , a future , something tangible was within my grasp.
perhaps its all too easy to mistaken my positivity for my failures
to realize that i am all alone , all alone , trying to let go all of my
past behind and helplessly trying to get to know who i really am.
my mind ran , a thousand miles to see your smiles once more ,
even when its just a distant memory of us together , holding on ,
letting go.. it seems to be the natural choice after all that had
happened between us.. i guess i am just a failure.. in everything.
getting up , i walked towards the washroom , relieving myself
of all the pain and hurt , repeatedly.. washing my face in shame.
looking past the mirror , all i could see was me. myself. sigh.
trying to make sense of the logic of my life ; dried up and in my
fbt shorts and hoodie - went down to buy the morning and useless
Sunday papers.
whilst walking along the endless seams of people ,
i was stopped in my track when i noticed how appreciative an
old man was with what he had. a small bundle of vegetables ,
tofu , small fishes and he had a wrinkled yet overjoyed look..
blessed is he - i thought in my mind and quickly bought the papers.
a quick walk to the local stalls , a waft of freshly cooked nasi
lemak , fried chicken wings and the subtle aroma of sweet tofu
filled the air. making a purchase ; i bought the nasi lemak and head
on home in a rather pleasant demeanor. perhaps.. perhaps all is not
lost , in my mind and heart i had hope for love..
a love that could be with me for who i am.. just another girl
END
0955 am
Sunday , 24 July , 2011
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