Chicago , IL , United States.
A cold Monday morning, a shudder of excitement and a tinge of restlessness as Davon accompanied me to the airport lounge , us sipping coffee whilst he was looking bored - relentlessly pressing the buttons on his PSP, playing the new Ass-sas-sin Creed, God of War and Thor. Men and their toys never seems to separate themselves from the reality of what's around them. So be it - as i hack and jab away on Davon's mobile notebook. Its seems familiar, a reminiscent feeling of being homey yet outdoorsy.
I'm in a grey tank, a dark blue cardigan, dark blue jacket, plaid scarf, black skinny jeans and sneakers, cuddling up on the soft and cushion-like sofa listening to Taeyang's song : " I need a girl ". The aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts over my nostrils as harmony of caramel sweetness, nutmeg and a tinge of sweet cinnamon and chocolates engulfed my taste buds. A pleasantry and sultry surprised i never noticed as i chat away on Davon's mobile notebook.
Looking through the wonderful and cute MSN Messenger chats i had with my special love ones, never seems to bemused me nor amaze me at how i really do miss them. A heartfelt love and tug session told me that i should tell them something. Perhaps its not the right time, perhaps i am not ready for it, perhaps.. perhaps.. perhaps.. was all it ever came to. Davon is back to his games after finishing his drink and i'm here still, should i post or should i wait, alas it came to final conclusion that i should post this out.
Chicago, IL, seems rather far away from home. Enduring a 19 hours flight was no mean task even though i have done my fair share of long distance travels. Singapore is 13 hours forward of Chicago, IL. Yet its familiar in a sense that its like i'm back home. Whatever it was, Davon is now sitting beside me, drooling, smearing about his cheeks and chin. What a mess he is, i guess.. looking at how tired he was. Its seems like its been ages since i have boarded a plane to somewhere I don`t even know, meeting a few friends before heading back to Singapore for the General Elections.
Today, i had the wonderful and beautiful opportunity to chat with a rather lovely and beautiful girl. Our innocence and childlike discussions exudes a maturity level and desire or should i say thirst for knowledge, affirmation, relationships, love and perhaps experimentations. She is indeed beautiful from within and her basic charms of sponge-like intellectual thoughts and rather outspoken mannerisms belied a shy, quiet, troubled soul much in need of proper guidance and perhaps a real friend whose unpretentious and not bothered about her past life or issues at hand.
There is so much more to life and joy to be found through this harsh, rocky and at times turbulent road and path to self-fulfillment. Even though she seems to be more open and free in her expressions through the internet - deep down i knew and have felt the same way as she did. A gender dysphoria and the confusion. drowning in a world fast approaching as we age. I just want to tell her this ; no matter who, what or why, if i could i would love her and be with her through all the pains and burden. A rather ideal and lofty quest some might say but i am who , what and why i am so. If love made me the fool, a fool i have become.
Davon sitting beside me, still half asleep and bored from all the clouds that seems to flutter and dance about the plane in an euphoric expression of restlessness and sensual tangos of migrating birds that some what filled my time as i gawk at its grace and beauty. Or perhaps i have been rather naughty and sipping small bottles of vodka and whiskey or brandy, i don`t remember which one now. How i wished someone would hold onto me tightly as i bury my face in their chest or them holding on to my cardigan with arms around me. A whimsical and surreal notion i supposed.
As yet again perhaps now is the time for me to end this post.
If i could love and hold onto you ; i'd never ever let you go lest you push me away. And a fool you have made me once more, rushing, loving, wanting.. you. Not a girl in this world can be compare to you ; if your heart is above your sights. Baby i know you know that we knew where we are heading, so why wait.. Girl, i need you.. got to make you mine and i will treat you right.. a nobody's confession..
