I'm playing back the melody you hummed , because you couldn't whistle
The motion of your tears , passes through the air at the moment you
lightly touched my arm.
The sun is bright, and i turned my eyes away from your signal ,
because I've been alone. The stars are too wide..
Give me another chance.
When our hearts overlap , it will rise like a color pattern with a feeling
this natural , there's no way it can be mistaken when i look at it from the
gap in my memories , it vanishes that pattern.. No matter how far we're
separated , there's no reason for you to give up
No matter how much you push me away, I can't hide it..
Now, throwing away my pride , I'll beg you.
When i awake from dreaming , if you're there for me
Oh , i need nothing more
Even the weakness hidden which i understand for the first time ,
if we can be together , I'll become strong. Give me another chance.
I'm searching for you , my dear , in the circle shape pattern.
Inside the endless maze, i want to come a little closer to you.
In this daily battle, i can't convey it, no matter how tightly you held me
i have no way to reach you..
When our hearts overlap , it will rise like a color pattern with a feeling
this natural , there's no way it can be mistaken when i look at it from the
gap in my memories , it vanishes - that pattern. No matter how far we're
separated , there's no reason for you to give up. * ( I still need you )...
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Sunday , July 24 , 2011 09.13 am
Sunday morning ;
awoke to the sound ruffling of papers bags , plastics and voices heard all
around me. in my room alone in the darkness , teased by the morning
breeze and dews dance about as i shutter my eyes between the window
and my space. it was 0630 am in the morning and I've never felt like
before.. i felt strangely good. Positive even. Or was it the hormones.
LOL.
sitting at the edge of my bed , head looking forward , towards even ,
to the window and taking in the cold and refreshing air felt different.
i was even contemplating by myself about how blessed i am today ,
to be alive , to have family and friends , to have people who loves
me so much , a future , something tangible was within my grasp.
perhaps its all too easy to mistaken my positivity for my failures
to realize that i am all alone , all alone , trying to let go all of my
past behind and helplessly trying to get to know who i really am.
my mind ran , a thousand miles to see your smiles once more ,
even when its just a distant memory of us together , holding on ,
letting go.. it seems to be the natural choice after all that had
happened between us.. i guess i am just a failure.. in everything.
getting up , i walked towards the washroom , relieving myself
of all the pain and hurt , repeatedly.. washing my face in shame.
looking past the mirror , all i could see was me. myself. sigh.
trying to make sense of the logic of my life ; dried up and in my
fbt shorts and hoodie - went down to buy the morning and useless
Sunday papers.
whilst walking along the endless seams of people ,
i was stopped in my track when i noticed how appreciative an
old man was with what he had. a small bundle of vegetables ,
tofu , small fishes and he had a wrinkled yet overjoyed look..
blessed is he - i thought in my mind and quickly bought the papers.
a quick walk to the local stalls , a waft of freshly cooked nasi
lemak , fried chicken wings and the subtle aroma of sweet tofu
filled the air. making a purchase ; i bought the nasi lemak and head
on home in a rather pleasant demeanor. perhaps.. perhaps all is not
lost , in my mind and heart i had hope for love..
a love that could be with me for who i am.. just another girl
END
0955 am
Sunday , 24 July , 2011
awoke to the sound ruffling of papers bags , plastics and voices heard all
around me. in my room alone in the darkness , teased by the morning
breeze and dews dance about as i shutter my eyes between the window
and my space. it was 0630 am in the morning and I've never felt like
before.. i felt strangely good. Positive even. Or was it the hormones.
LOL.
sitting at the edge of my bed , head looking forward , towards even ,
to the window and taking in the cold and refreshing air felt different.
i was even contemplating by myself about how blessed i am today ,
to be alive , to have family and friends , to have people who loves
me so much , a future , something tangible was within my grasp.
perhaps its all too easy to mistaken my positivity for my failures
to realize that i am all alone , all alone , trying to let go all of my
past behind and helplessly trying to get to know who i really am.
my mind ran , a thousand miles to see your smiles once more ,
even when its just a distant memory of us together , holding on ,
letting go.. it seems to be the natural choice after all that had
happened between us.. i guess i am just a failure.. in everything.
getting up , i walked towards the washroom , relieving myself
of all the pain and hurt , repeatedly.. washing my face in shame.
looking past the mirror , all i could see was me. myself. sigh.
trying to make sense of the logic of my life ; dried up and in my
fbt shorts and hoodie - went down to buy the morning and useless
Sunday papers.
whilst walking along the endless seams of people ,
i was stopped in my track when i noticed how appreciative an
old man was with what he had. a small bundle of vegetables ,
tofu , small fishes and he had a wrinkled yet overjoyed look..
blessed is he - i thought in my mind and quickly bought the papers.
a quick walk to the local stalls , a waft of freshly cooked nasi
lemak , fried chicken wings and the subtle aroma of sweet tofu
filled the air. making a purchase ; i bought the nasi lemak and head
on home in a rather pleasant demeanor. perhaps.. perhaps all is not
lost , in my mind and heart i had hope for love..
a love that could be with me for who i am.. just another girl
END
0955 am
Sunday , 24 July , 2011
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
In plane to Chicago 02.24 Singapore time
Chicago , IL , United States.
A cold Monday morning, a shudder of excitement and a tinge of restlessness as Davon accompanied me to the airport lounge , us sipping coffee whilst he was looking bored - relentlessly pressing the buttons on his PSP, playing the new Ass-sas-sin Creed, God of War and Thor. Men and their toys never seems to separate themselves from the reality of what's around them. So be it - as i hack and jab away on Davon's mobile notebook. Its seems familiar, a reminiscent feeling of being homey yet outdoorsy.
I'm in a grey tank, a dark blue cardigan, dark blue jacket, plaid scarf, black skinny jeans and sneakers, cuddling up on the soft and cushion-like sofa listening to Taeyang's song : " I need a girl ". The aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts over my nostrils as harmony of caramel sweetness, nutmeg and a tinge of sweet cinnamon and chocolates engulfed my taste buds. A pleasantry and sultry surprised i never noticed as i chat away on Davon's mobile notebook.
Looking through the wonderful and cute MSN Messenger chats i had with my special love ones, never seems to bemused me nor amaze me at how i really do miss them. A heartfelt love and tug session told me that i should tell them something. Perhaps its not the right time, perhaps i am not ready for it, perhaps.. perhaps.. perhaps.. was all it ever came to. Davon is back to his games after finishing his drink and i'm here still, should i post or should i wait, alas it came to final conclusion that i should post this out.
Chicago, IL, seems rather far away from home. Enduring a 19 hours flight was no mean task even though i have done my fair share of long distance travels. Singapore is 13 hours forward of Chicago, IL. Yet its familiar in a sense that its like i'm back home. Whatever it was, Davon is now sitting beside me, drooling, smearing about his cheeks and chin. What a mess he is, i guess.. looking at how tired he was. Its seems like its been ages since i have boarded a plane to somewhere I don`t even know, meeting a few friends before heading back to Singapore for the General Elections.
Today, i had the wonderful and beautiful opportunity to chat with a rather lovely and beautiful girl. Our innocence and childlike discussions exudes a maturity level and desire or should i say thirst for knowledge, affirmation, relationships, love and perhaps experimentations. She is indeed beautiful from within and her basic charms of sponge-like intellectual thoughts and rather outspoken mannerisms belied a shy, quiet, troubled soul much in need of proper guidance and perhaps a real friend whose unpretentious and not bothered about her past life or issues at hand.
There is so much more to life and joy to be found through this harsh, rocky and at times turbulent road and path to self-fulfillment. Even though she seems to be more open and free in her expressions through the internet - deep down i knew and have felt the same way as she did. A gender dysphoria and the confusion. drowning in a world fast approaching as we age. I just want to tell her this ; no matter who, what or why, if i could i would love her and be with her through all the pains and burden. A rather ideal and lofty quest some might say but i am who , what and why i am so. If love made me the fool, a fool i have become.
Davon sitting beside me, still half asleep and bored from all the clouds that seems to flutter and dance about the plane in an euphoric expression of restlessness and sensual tangos of migrating birds that some what filled my time as i gawk at its grace and beauty. Or perhaps i have been rather naughty and sipping small bottles of vodka and whiskey or brandy, i don`t remember which one now. How i wished someone would hold onto me tightly as i bury my face in their chest or them holding on to my cardigan with arms around me. A whimsical and surreal notion i supposed.
As yet again perhaps now is the time for me to end this post.
If i could love and hold onto you ; i'd never ever let you go lest you push me away. And a fool you have made me once more, rushing, loving, wanting.. you. Not a girl in this world can be compare to you ; if your heart is above your sights. Baby i know you know that we knew where we are heading, so why wait.. Girl, i need you.. got to make you mine and i will treat you right.. a nobody's confession..
A cold Monday morning, a shudder of excitement and a tinge of restlessness as Davon accompanied me to the airport lounge , us sipping coffee whilst he was looking bored - relentlessly pressing the buttons on his PSP, playing the new Ass-sas-sin Creed, God of War and Thor. Men and their toys never seems to separate themselves from the reality of what's around them. So be it - as i hack and jab away on Davon's mobile notebook. Its seems familiar, a reminiscent feeling of being homey yet outdoorsy.
I'm in a grey tank, a dark blue cardigan, dark blue jacket, plaid scarf, black skinny jeans and sneakers, cuddling up on the soft and cushion-like sofa listening to Taeyang's song : " I need a girl ". The aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts over my nostrils as harmony of caramel sweetness, nutmeg and a tinge of sweet cinnamon and chocolates engulfed my taste buds. A pleasantry and sultry surprised i never noticed as i chat away on Davon's mobile notebook.
Looking through the wonderful and cute MSN Messenger chats i had with my special love ones, never seems to bemused me nor amaze me at how i really do miss them. A heartfelt love and tug session told me that i should tell them something. Perhaps its not the right time, perhaps i am not ready for it, perhaps.. perhaps.. perhaps.. was all it ever came to. Davon is back to his games after finishing his drink and i'm here still, should i post or should i wait, alas it came to final conclusion that i should post this out.
Chicago, IL, seems rather far away from home. Enduring a 19 hours flight was no mean task even though i have done my fair share of long distance travels. Singapore is 13 hours forward of Chicago, IL. Yet its familiar in a sense that its like i'm back home. Whatever it was, Davon is now sitting beside me, drooling, smearing about his cheeks and chin. What a mess he is, i guess.. looking at how tired he was. Its seems like its been ages since i have boarded a plane to somewhere I don`t even know, meeting a few friends before heading back to Singapore for the General Elections.
Today, i had the wonderful and beautiful opportunity to chat with a rather lovely and beautiful girl. Our innocence and childlike discussions exudes a maturity level and desire or should i say thirst for knowledge, affirmation, relationships, love and perhaps experimentations. She is indeed beautiful from within and her basic charms of sponge-like intellectual thoughts and rather outspoken mannerisms belied a shy, quiet, troubled soul much in need of proper guidance and perhaps a real friend whose unpretentious and not bothered about her past life or issues at hand.
There is so much more to life and joy to be found through this harsh, rocky and at times turbulent road and path to self-fulfillment. Even though she seems to be more open and free in her expressions through the internet - deep down i knew and have felt the same way as she did. A gender dysphoria and the confusion. drowning in a world fast approaching as we age. I just want to tell her this ; no matter who, what or why, if i could i would love her and be with her through all the pains and burden. A rather ideal and lofty quest some might say but i am who , what and why i am so. If love made me the fool, a fool i have become.
Davon sitting beside me, still half asleep and bored from all the clouds that seems to flutter and dance about the plane in an euphoric expression of restlessness and sensual tangos of migrating birds that some what filled my time as i gawk at its grace and beauty. Or perhaps i have been rather naughty and sipping small bottles of vodka and whiskey or brandy, i don`t remember which one now. How i wished someone would hold onto me tightly as i bury my face in their chest or them holding on to my cardigan with arms around me. A whimsical and surreal notion i supposed.
As yet again perhaps now is the time for me to end this post.
If i could love and hold onto you ; i'd never ever let you go lest you push me away. And a fool you have made me once more, rushing, loving, wanting.. you. Not a girl in this world can be compare to you ; if your heart is above your sights. Baby i know you know that we knew where we are heading, so why wait.. Girl, i need you.. got to make you mine and i will treat you right.. a nobody's confession..
Saturday, 23 April 2011
Back with a new vengence with elegance ?
Saturday 23 April 2011
10:45 am , Singapore Time Zone
The cool morning breeze , sunny disposition and my ethereal world seems to be popping everywhere to get a bite of breakfast or early grocery shopping never seems to amaze me as everyone is moving and working like a clockwork.
10:45 am , Singapore Time Zone
The cool morning breeze , sunny disposition and my ethereal world seems to be popping everywhere to get a bite of breakfast or early grocery shopping never seems to amaze me as everyone is moving and working like a clockwork.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)